The Theory of Choices: 5 Reasons To Consider Before Making that Choice

Since this is my first blog in the new year, and New decade– I shall say this without stealth— HAPPY NEW YEAR. The year is young and there is alot to accomplish and buckets to kick off lists. I decided a long time that the theory of choices shall feature first in this year, and even when I have been procrastinating and allowing writer’s block to have the better of me—Yippeeee, I have finally put out for everyone to read. 

Choice … Is The Most Powerful Tool We Have

Life is an acclimatization of different situations, all a sum of the decisions we make on a daily basis about situations that are presented to us.

As we wound up 2019, I watched Netflix’s warranted movie; Black Mirror Bandersnatch that reveals how a game maker became so engrossed in the game she was creating that she started to question reality. While watching the movie, Netflix presents you with two or more circumstances to pick from, the choice you make determines what scenes play out afterward. The movie has multiple endings because of the several choices the watcher is presented with.

When I greatly thought about this movie, I realized that same is life. Man has been provided with multiple endings all determined by the choices that he/she makes every single day/hour/minute/second. For example a man is rich or poor depending on the choices they make for their life, if life is a gamble, then men are either playing right or wrongly. this is equally true about serving jail time, marriage, education, friendships..

Life always presents you with two routes; either the affirmative or not. The bible expounds that every choice has its root either in light or in darkness, either the choice you make gives you peace or leaves you tormented with such restless sorrow. Certainly, that is the way in which the world operates. The choices you make shall either bring you to a shore or leave you directionless amidst a heavy storm.

As the year is still in the zenith stage, it is important to evaluate the choices you intend to make as a person. Every choice is a key that opens a door to certain journeys and their endings thereafter.

I must advice however that a choice made in haste will always disappoint or fall below expectation. Oftentimes people do not pay much attention to the choices they make because they assume the consequences will not be as trivial, and even if they are, they probably will last an eye’s twinkle. Humans tend to neglect the fact that the repercussion of a choice lives with you throughout your lifetime, could trickle down to your children, and sometimes even to their children— This is basically what people like to call generational curses.

Here are 5 reasons to consider if you are faced with a decision to make.

Do not make decisions in haste(at work, in your relationships, about your finances, etc), calm down, weigh the consequences, examine why you are very excited to plunge into making this decision and then finally decide. Always find time to let your mind process.

Consider a person that was faced with the same scenario, what did they choose, how did that path turn out for them, what lessons are they willing to share. Some life experiences are a trap, therefore to maneuver, it is best you seek a mentor. Have a mentor for every journey you embark on, this is because they are experienced in what you seek to do/find/venture into.

Before you make the decision, what is your emotional state. Oftentimes even without knowing it, we make important life decisions based on the spurge of emotions we are feeling that very moment. Always engage your subconscious mind to ask the question; am I in the right emotional state to make this decision, is this decision coming from a point of anger, hurt, jealousy, or anything on the borders of negativity?

Are you making a decision to please people, and not yourself? if that is the case, then you need to agree that it is a wrong decision. Why I say this is because; very often when we please people, we go against our personal values and principles. Start with you, and how that decision shall make you feel, shall it free you, does it go against your morals, does it make you anxious or extremely happy?

Lastly and very importantly, consider the “Still small Voice”, the voice of the Holy Spirit. Some prefer to call it Intuition. You know when you are crossing the line into danger, so tread carefully, and pay heed to when you are advised against a certain direction.

As I sign out of here, remember that choices are not only the big breakthroughs in your career, relationships, finances, name it, every single day, we are all confronted with small details of choices make, and  these sum up what our lives look like at the end of the day, month or year. So put into much thought the small details the same way you would the big breakthroughs.

Carry around this truth; “Whether now or in the future, and whereas Some may have minimal consequences and others drastic, all choices are life changing”.

Ps Share with me some of the deliberate choices you will be making this year!!

Okrrrr… Have yourself a Fab Year..

Are Men Getting Credit For What They Have Not Done?

Trust people on social media to blow things out of proportion. I have seen a fair share of memes and sarcastic jokes mocking Anne Kansiime’s confession. She said she paid her dowry to be married to her now ex-husband Ojok.

It is rather unfortunate that women joined the charade of those that made a joke out of this, but this should not come as a shock as we have seen some women side together with men that decide to predate women on the edges of violence.

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Women are expected to be the silent majority, belittled and sometimes forced into the nooks of quietude. Women will tell you they are nursing many shameful vices the men in their lives are doing/have done simply because “You can not taint a man’s name”..

I believe in respecting your partner, their reputation, and whatever wealth is acclaimed to their name, however how many men will hush if the tables are turned? The times are starting to change where we now have women speaking up, but even when compared to the population, it is just 3% of these that have come clean.

Women seem to be unnamed saviors that need to constantly undergo Crucifixion once they do something that is not socially agreeable. However who draws the line on what is agreeable or not agreeable for women? Did the same person draw a line keeping those determinants constant for the men?

Kansiime confesses something that not many women have the courage to speak up about simply because of how the society might/will perceive their husbands. They tend to worry more for their husbands’ reputations and therefore take on a lesser position.— I bet this works against self-esteem as time goes on.

Society may say and even agree if a dispute broke out that it is a woman’s place to submit to a man.. I couldn’t agree more, a woman according to scripture is a helpmate, and helpers help, they do not assume the role. She is not supposed to assume the role that was given to a man. However if a woman has to shift gears from submission to cower-ism, then there is definitely a problem.

There are two men in today’s society;

  1. The first is the man that works his ass off and things may not go right, but therein is an effort to be at the helm of his responsibility as head and leader of his family.

  2. The second is the man whose mindset is like a tapeworm, very Parasitical …Eating off of the woman’s sweat without as much effort to explain why he decides to do so— These are what some feminists prefer to call slay male-queens..

Until Kansiime came clean of what happened, no one would have imagined the possibility of this, and yet it is widely happening, we have women buying/paying for their own engagement/wedding rings— Sis he used your money to purchase that stone, the beauty is that he gave it to you, but you are most definitely wearing what you bought.. Cheer Up and speak up. The days for making easy a man’s pursuit should be long over. Whoever needs something needs to go work to get it.. No easy way out!!

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The perception of having men appear as supermen even for things that women are doing on the background has led to many frustrated marriages, and friendships because society usually knows it is a man’s place to do certain things(and it is– that social order and hierarchy can not be broken), we don’t have women standing up to own up to the things they have done(we are not ululating the women forces as we should), they instead transfer all that credit to the man, lest society considers him a weak imbecile.

And maybe that is what some men are…. Forgive my straightforwardness, but a man who is intimidated by his wife’s inputs to his success and would only prefer to take all the credit for his egoistical uprightness can only be referred to as nothing else—- Imbecile!!

Women need to have their voices come out louder, they shouldn’t be pushed into a corner where they have to be silent about their strength, greatness and input to have the family coming out stronger.

Secondly, society should know that to draw a line for one gender does not serve anyone any better, that is why we will still have several cases of violence. There should be accountability for both genders—– If a man is going to receive that standing ovation for doing something, then a woman too should receive an even bigger standing ovation for doing a man’s role.

Lastly, there is much ululation for a man who babysits, there shouldn’t have been mockery therefore for Kansiime deciding to do what she did—It was a gesture of love, and perhaps we should rethink what kind of eyes we have decided to see her through since her confession.

End

Why Did You Stop?

This is a post I would never have thought about 2 years ago, but here I am writing about what failure is and what it shouldn’t be and I too cant wait to see how it unfolds.

A month ago, I told this person that I am beginning to think should be a Godsend about my love for poetry. This was after he did a deep search about me and unearthed some pieces I had written on the blog back in 2014. Reading through them made my heart rend—in a good way.

He has been very vocal about the fact that I am procrastinating the process of getting the book published (this I will tell you about another time), and honestly, maybe I am. So 4 days ago, him and I were having a conversation that stemed from whether i had considered doing spoken word poetry because the kind that I write needs to be heard, felt and listened to. I told him, I once was a spoken word poet. He asked “Why did you stop?” same way I want to ask you about why you stopped writing, creating, innovating, singing, taking the lesson, driving, laughing, posting, producing, traveling, dancing etc etc

All through high-school, I hated when the audience boo-ed people that they found uninteresting during a stage performance, class presentation or anywhere a person had to show their skill/talent. The people that boo-ed had come to the conclusion that whatever this person was doing was either half-baked, could not match up to the challenge, or was just dead-bit boring. Fortunately for me, I was always on the other side— being ululated and clapped for, being congratulated for being an incredible orator, dancer, storyteller, you name it. Never had it dawned on me, that once I would stand before a crowd and the fate of the boo-ed would catch up with me.

I joined varsity and immediately started attending evenings that were laced with poetry. Once in a while, I would poetize. People liked it– men especially, judging from the number of free drinks that would come my way, the ladies smiled and nodded their heads at me whenever we crossed paths. For a 1st year, I had made the cut, I was on my way to being Maya Angelou soon. It wasn’t until 8 of us from among those that used to meet at the Red House in Kyambogo were selected for a bigger event that would happen at the theater.

I prepared 3 poems that were joined by musical bridges —So for this performance, I hoped to sing too. I was confident with my flow, the rhythm was overt, and my heart and mind looked forward to a standing ovation. I got onto the dark stage whose curtains were still drawn and I could swear a bucket of water had been poured into my hands, my heart felt like hulk’s thunderous footstep, my stomach was churning and the hair on my head seemed to have taken leave. I heard the Emcee introduce me, he mentioned something about my eyes and the clarity that my voice carried. Soon people were clapping and the curtains were parted. The light from the balcony (if you know the theater too well) came full flash on me, and it was my moment.

I was shaking, it was visible. My throat dried up. 2 minutes into my time and I heard a person boooo… I opened my mouth and said the first line and second line– That was all I could remember. I repeated those stanzas twice hoping I would remember the stanzas that followed, but I didn’t and the audience got furious—some asking in Luganda dialect “where the organizers had gotten me from”, some saying I should “get off stage”, the booos increased and like a chef that lost the grand prize for failing to prepare his signature meal, I walked out—cried the night out, and cursed ever accepting to go for the event. I stopped– stopped doing spoken word poetry, stopped visiting the red house, I stopped.

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Giving up, letting go is extinguishing the fire that burns in the inside of you. It is killing the child (passion) that lives on the inside, and that is not a good thing to do!

5 years down the road, and every-time anyone suggests I do spoken word, that memory plays out, making my heart clench very uncomfortably. Subconsciously, I marked that as failure and that explains why my entire system reacts the way it does. The fear of failure watermarks itself in our (sub) conscious realities that we tend to be more aware of doom and when it is coming.

Every single day we have people walking out of the door to their dreams because of the fear of failure. We seem to recount the moments we have failed to breakthrough more than the lessons that we should pick from the experience. If you ask me, it is hurtful to fail. It is also more embarrassing if you have an audience– random people, family members, friends, who say they believe in you until you portray weakness, or don’t meet their standard.

So why did you stop?

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  1. Was it because you tried over and over again and still found yourself in the same place?
  2. Was it because you felt unappreciated?
  3. Was it because the journey got lonely?
  4. Did you stop because the road seemed dry and unfruitful?
  5. Was it the pressure about time, age? Was it the overwhelming responsibilities?
  6. Was it because your mentor or curator said it wouldn’t work?

Not that I came here to question your decision to give up certain dreams, goals and habits (and I am not defending the toxic habits that take you down the drain, I mean the habits that polish, grow, and make you a better man or woman), I came to blatantly tell you that letting go speaks of cowardice and weak contention in following after our dreams and seeing them grow.

I have chatted and even followed different innovators’ accounts, and after they have sobered from sharing tips, pros and cons, majority like to say “It is never easy. There are days you are going to want to give up everything, start afresh and follow a different trail- but the longer the endurance, the sharper we become”.

Failure should never define you, neither should it ever stop you from high flying towards your goals. Delays will always present themselves, however how we handle them gives us a better perspective on life, and who we are.

I am personally working on a spoken word project—I haven’t told anyone yet, but now you know and honestly, I hope that I will have the courage once again to stand before even bigger audiences and spill my heart through language, and cry because the work was appreciated. As far as I know, this is also another poem, another short story, another sad day, and maybe we need to treat failure that way too. Just a bad 24 hours, and once they are finished, we try again and give it our best shot.

P.S— If you constantly find yourself at the same place with the same result, perhaps you need to change formulae. Recently from a Rabbi, I learned that formulae leads you to the same result, so if something fails, dont entirely ditch the whole idea, get a new formulae, invest the same energy and much greater attitude and see yourself flourish.

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Thank you for taking the time to read. I would like to hear what you plan to resurrect. No one is holding you back but you.. So go ahead and let go of any fear and worries.

 

All I Ever Wanted Was You

I have been stuck up in the corner of my mind the entire day

Afraid of wandering because I am sure away from it, I will find you

Before I knew you, I had solace to myself

Never worrying about things that seemed mediocre to my mind

Sadly now, all I have to myself is a corner

You have the entire part of my thought process

Is that fair? Is it?

My mind tells me it shall pass.

It has learned to digest this because well, all my friends have said so

And yet I am not sure

I have never been unsure all my life

All I am now is a wreck, wondering whether I have right to think the way I do..

All I ever wanted was you… And I got a clone of you😭

Crashed

I decided to take on a challenge in your absence

This is much lesser than what I anticipated I would do on a day like this 6months later

I promised not to think very often of you and yet you are what my thoughts crave for

Maybe I should be moving in a direction opposite but you are my early morning coffee beckoning me

I am fully aware that opposite roads always have a junction

It may not be at the first stop, neither may it be after a year

I know however, that we will end up meeting someday

And I will have my eyes glued on you like you are a visual magnet

You will hear my heart beat like it ran a marathon

At that point, you will know my fears, you will know I want you still as much more than I did then

At your sight, I will wonder how life has been to you; fair, nasty, great or excellent

The sight of you will make me wonder whether I made the right choice walking away from the fire that still burned on the inside

Or worse, it will cross my mind—that dreaded curiosity

On who warmed your bed while I was away soul-searching

Would she be of light-skin or black. They say black is beauty and I know it is your favorite

But I also know that while we were together, you stared at fairer girls

Whose skin you made me envy—sometimes they were slightly Hamisa’s tone

But still you stared as though oblivious I watched you

And while you did—you took my heart with you

See I am now over you like the burger I had the day we went bungee-jumping

Memories of you are etched in a file that is almost facing delete

And yet I know almost doesn’t count… it never counts

I almost caught the bus the night we broke up

You didn’t believe me because you thought I was out cuddling with the guy whose eyes were beautiful

But if it counts, I almost caught that bus

The bus in which I saw over the news crashed.

I still wonder why you held bitterness after you got to know the bus I was supposed to catch to meet you, crashed

But perhaps you wanted me out of your life long before I knew you did

And that more than anything, crashed me more than that bus could ever have!!

She was vulnerable when it came to him… He had crashed through her universe, kissing her soul— N. R. Hart

 

Brown Skin

Today I met the Brown skin
I call her that because it was what she was known by back when I knew her
Brown skin and I went to the same church
She was the light that filled most boys’ nights
And the reason most girls wore envy as a garment
She had all the handsome, masculine and well framed men under her whimsical
Acting like dogs would at the sight of a chicken bone
We on the other hand had the chaff; smitten, beaten and weak
The kind that would frail on cold mornings and sneeze more than whales
We held onto these weaklings’ hands, mostly dissatisfied but appreciative of their advances
Unfortunately, our necks remained craned to the men we wished to have
The men Brown skin treated like dots

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Overtime, we grew up, moved on and forgot these men whose fiery glances toward Brown Skin tore at our hearts
Our prayers changed to “Father in Heaven, we thank you for the unanswered prayers”
We realized we didn’t get them then but we were in a better place to make them wish they had invested in where their eyes were not
More often we went off singing Hallelujah and winking at Karma like “You are loyal bish”
We were happier than Jack and Jill on their way up the hill after we met their glutton looking bodies
We were more confident than Red Ridinghood when we realized they no-longer had effect in the affairs of our hearts
Oh the relish.

Forgive me, I tend to lose myself in too much thought
Let us get back to where we began
Oh yes, I met Brown skin and there was something oddly odd about her
She had lost a glow; both her own and her maker’s
She looked worn out, hard stretched and flustered at her 22
She had slew long before the world caught onto the slay queen trend but now she looked slain
In my bell bottom jeans, faded maroon tank top and fish open shoes, I couldn’t be compared with her.. I looked far better
She had tonnes more skin and age
Just one look at her and I knew what the cause was.
Just one look!!

Brown Skin was not jolly as she was before
She had long lost her spark
She had gotten comfortable
Heeding not the gospel of levels
You don’t stay in the same place for too long and expect to remain relevant
And just like that, the boys had come and gone same as the men
Coming and leaving like seasons
Enjoying her smile and hearty chuckle and later finding agitation when her dimples showered the sides of her temples
Had she soared, had she moved, she would have found inspiration from someone else
Possibly even finding a mentor to guide her through her life’s purpose
Maybe she would still have attracted all the men to herself because her glow would only have gotten stronger and better
Maybe we would still be jealous of her
But then she would be in a better place with a better outlook on life
But she stuck to the same, to what she knew
Scared of taking a step into the waters; fearing that she may drown

No this is no memorial message to Brown Skin
As a matter of fact, she is alive and maybe well; living life as the young people would say nowadays
She just looks faded as the black cloth you last let go
She looks drained, thirsting for more and not knowing where to get it from
Feeding on Inspiration and motivational speeches from “Servants” that have forsaken the words that give Life.
These servants are just not speaking to dead minds, they are influencing decisions
Her soul dies everyday but her Spirit was long buried
Under the clamp of man’s ideas—Religion
Oh give me a glass of wine, I am not jealous of Brown skin anymore— I drink because she has deliberately veiled herself
I sympathize with her but I pray for her more
In my bell bottom jeans, I write about Brown Skin
For the first time today, she didn’t say “Hmmm, she stretched out her hand in polite greeting!!


End: This is just not any poem… If you read to the end, I would like to hear/read your thoughts😊😐.. Thank you!

Do Men Ever Realize They Get Only One Chance?

This is one that has been stuck on the back walls of my mind, showing face once in a while and then slowly drifting back to the cognitive. Today it crossed my mind when a close friend opened up about his “trying to get into a relationship” ordeals.. He sounded hurt with his revelation. I listened because sometimes all that people need, is a listening companion and not one that will take them back to school of encouragement and comfort. Most times when we prove to know it all, we become a nag and deny the person spilling all a chance to grieve..

He mentioned that he wants to get into a relationship like any natural emotion-filled human. He needed to be loved, to flaunt and be flaunted, to not be the odd “single” guy among his gangos. “But even the girls that seem to promise, the ones that seem like they have given a green light just end up vanishing after a date, disappearing like what happened before was a fad.”–He shared thoughtfully

“It is all bed and roses in the inbox until after a physical date is set up. The sparks disappear.”

When he narrated this, I realized this has happened before… I have seemingly gone on speaking into the phone for several hours with a person on the other end and it seemed like he is the one, only for a date to happen and bam!!—Nope, not this one.. And just like that, you thank him for thinking up the idea of a date. This is you being polite because well, he didn’t spend peanuts while he was impressing you– this thank you note also marks the last days of the late night calls, love filled texts and possible flirtations.

After this post, possibly men shall share why they seem to rethink their idea of spending forever with a girl after a date. For now, I shall speak boldly for the girls.

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First, It matters where you are going for a date. Is it the loud place or the serene place. Between these two, I would choose the latter—why? It is the first time you are meeting therefore it counts that you aren’t interrupted by loud music or various strings of activity. To request to take a person out on a date depends mostly on their likes and character and never yours.. it doesn’t matter whether you don’t like it, it is their needs before yours.—This is called the Impress her mode. In all honesty, my friends are really the kind you will find deeply rooted into church and their first date stories just killed any possible hopes of ever dating the guys that took them out.. First because the person did not recognize their Christian values and secondly because while in the loud places filled with “mr big boom and agataako”.. The scripture from 2 Corinthians 6:14- Do not be unequally bound together with unbelievers [do not make mismatched alliances with them, inconsistent with your faith]. For what partnership can righteousness have with lawlessness? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? Is a constant reminder that their hosts are a bad choice. This case is closed!!

Second, I am personally the kind that will go out on a date and determine to listen(this is because I usually do not have as much to talk about like I often do—haha).. Any how, while at it you will realize that ideologies are not a match at all. There is no cross roads between your kind of ideologies and his kind of ideologies, it is clearly two parallel roads not able to meet anywhere.. See the Bible clearly states that “Out of the abundance of the heart, a man speaks”.. Never take lightly what someone says, it has not just been formed by the tongue but it is something they have meditated upon, yes even in a micro second. Luke 6:45- A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.

Third, you can know a person that is putting up a front that they will not be able to sustain for a longtime. Yes, we are meeting for the first time and we both have our insecurities.. Will he like me and the dress I put on? is mostly what’s going on in a girl’s mind. Dear men, you don’t have to overstretch your budget, you do not have to tell me of exploits(that haven’t been a personal experience yet) just to impress me. Do not blow me up too much just to inflate me with a prick of a needle in the future. In the moment, let us focus on you and I. let us be as genuine as a stain on white linen.

Fourth, aren’t some guys just careless with their words? Please when I walked into the restaurant to meet you, I was not seeking self-esteem from you. I walked in with it in full throttle! Therefore do not lower it with comments like Omg, you are fatter than I thought, Oh shit, you should have worn purple lipstick to match your dress beautifully, why don’t you wear mascara for your eyes—are you even girl at all?? Aaahh for those whose eyes are bulged, hmm yes we have guys that have bolder balls… Their guts are very unexpected and un-thought of.. Who would like to be in a relationship where their levels of esteem will be diminishing every new day or worse, losing oneself just to keep up with the expectations of a man that seems to have shown interest.  Nope— this earns your name very fast erasing!!

Fifth, It is equally a turn off to go out with self-centered men. Everything is about them. They have been everywhere, achieved everything. 85% of the conversation is about them and your contribution only consisted 15%… Do not get me wrong, there is no harm in talking about you but on the first date, can you get to know each other?. The first date, if all goes well is an affirmative for many more chances to open up about your achievements but for now–let it be the 50/50 first date please!.. Now if these guys aren’t talking too much and blowing their trumpet, they are picking up numerous calls, scrolling through various chats. Gosh.. it is even hard keeping up with these.

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Lastly, meeting a guy and finally putting a face to the sweet texts that come in from Specie S, you realize he doesn’t meet your expectations.. Hhahaha… Where you expected tall, broad, brave and whatever it is that the text messages paint, you are met by the total opposite… Not to really burst this bubble but more often, girls will not keep interested if their expectations were not met..

There is pretty much left that will leave the girls not returning your texts or staying up on the phone with you like initially but if anything should be known,  it is that Men have only one chance—To like is as easy as to unlike. The English proverb “The first impression matters” holds much sense in such a state.

To the guys, if a girl ever leaves you for endless reasons, Mister, do not be offended or dismayed.. Each one of us was made for someone.. Pick up your bags and go on to the next. If you are worried you have to spend a fortune in yet another repeat mode, adopt dates where you don’t have to spend too much.. Go out for an evening walk, to the movies, to a picnic out somewhere nice.. Am I supposed to give thee ideas??? If yes, go read a book by the falls… This is a very exciting venture!! 

Okay Bye really..♣♣♣

Advice— Make them remember you!meercat

I would be very glad for feedback as well as opinions!! Thank you a bunch for passing by