I was told of days such as these, when ideas seem so lost in a sea of turmoil or even in sheer procrastination. When what is written down does not make sense like salt in lemonade. When it is not about the lack of ideas, rather contrary to that, they are plenty- sparked by something as small as an ant crawling the skin and yet even the formation and arrangement of sonnets and verses seems meaningless, like it is void of emotion.
When the constant is a relentless mind trying to find the roots of how it all started and why it started anyway, when inspiration and mentors almost say; please don’t stop and truth is that the passion to go on is stronger than of giving up and yet still, something feels amiss.
When all you need is to bury yourself behind pages of good strewn stories and poems but them the misery of schedule is mystified enough to drain the excitement.
Such grey days pass, yes I was told… I just wasn’t notified how long I have to endure them or sadly what could be the remedy even. Do such days make you better? Or they are only ones filled with mockery and disillusionment? No it hasn’t been that bad, on the contrary, stashed in my documents folder is narration of how my journey to the north was, my interaction with various patients and clients, the beauty of pregnancy and childbearing, various journeys, adventures and exploits even realizations with diversity in culture and language and people and yet regardless of how many times I follow up on my reader to keep abreast with beautiful stories and creativity and inspiration, No!! The burden of publishing does not hit me as much as my constant crave for maize after work.
With such days,I appreciate the exuberance that alights from “introduction to poetry”, X.J Kennedy emphasizes;
“Once it lies within your control
Adjust it to how you feel
For the spark of feeling
Enlightens a story
As would rain on withered leaves”
Now this also shall pass, No? Or maybe what I actually need is to sit next to a campfire with my blue sweater around me and stare into the starry sky… Anybody up for a date?!!