Before I dive headlong into this very long blog post, allow me say this—PREGNANCY IS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL JOURNEY that Initiates you into SELF DISCOVERY— That sounds cliché, right? Let me re-echo that, Pregnancy is very beautiful……………..BUT;
Pregnancy will have you doubt yourself quite often, it will have you slacking at almost all the things that mean the most to you, it will have you joining the multitudes that question your competence, and just sometimes your head will hang, hang with a slight depression on why appreciation will not come even when you are pushing beyond what your bulging stomach and the effects that come with it can allow. Narrating this very openly is speaking openly about something very personal. But I have wanted to share this for various reasons, one being that it will liberate some women and girls that might fall pregnant..
In my childhood days while my Uncle Sam and I harvested jack-fruit in my father’s backyard, my mind seemed to notice that he knew which ones were ripe and which ones were not. So I asked him how he was able to tell and he said “When a jack-fruit is ripe, her stomach gives off a deep sound. Also that jack-fruit is usually heavier”. He must have noticed my confused face and he continued to say “when you grow up, your stomach will sound like a ready jack fruit one day”. This year, my stomach turned into a jack fruit.
How I found out
I honestly knew I was pregnant before I could even take any confirmatory tests. I went a whole month without my menses, in all honesty, no amount of prayer could save me the first month—I decided to wait it out convincing myself that It might be the stress but thank God Jesus said “Let he who is without sin throw the first stone”. If you fall pregnant the first time, you are highly cautious of your body, always imagining the stomach has grown overnight. This cautiousness had me develop the withdrawal syndrome.
My friends were concerned about my behavioral patterns and even when I insisted I was pregnant, they stuck to doing a pregnancy test(who schooled them though?)—Tests will always either confirm or invalidate your assumptions. And when I finally agreed to take the test, two red lines blinked back at me!!
How I got pregnant.
The gestation period usually gives you a glimpse into how dumb people can be. I am not apologetic about saying that. Throughout this time, I have been asked a tonne of questions some definitely sarcastic and others tainted with mockery “How did you get pregnant?” another asked “Was it the Holy Spirit?”? rolls eyes in etc.
It is tiring when big ass adults start to ask questions as dumb as these. This explains why I have decided to include the how before we go any further.
I got pregnant after having sex—I had sex, with a man.
When two consenting adults agree to have “sex, do a ding dang, explore how their reproductive organs fit into one another”— without protective measures, you got it— Ovary plays with sperm and after a bounding collision, both culprits are led down to the place(uterus) where they get to become a small tiny creature(zygote) which over time grows into a baby— That is how people become pregnant, and this is probably the simplest sexual education on pregnancy that you will find on the net. Now relax your questions— I had a great time, and now let my belly bulge in peace…
Reactions from people
Excuse me for a bit—I need to sip on some bitter gingered lemonade!!
People people people—was a common opening for most poems we recited back in primary school.
Was it easy communicating—- For me yes, was the message always received with gladness—- Ho Ho Ho Nope, not every-time!!
This is what you need to know about people, they will always impress their expectations of you upon you like a garment and when a disappointment such as falling pregnant (I don’t understand why people think of pregnancy as an electric shock towards your future) happens, they will openly cast their coals upon you and sometimes insinuate that you are promiscuous. Such a sad life… Many of the young pregnant women are uncomfortable sharing their pregnancy because they are going to be judged on grounds of promiscuity, myopic sight and bad decisions.
Anyhow, I have never been engaged in sex talk with any of my parents and I do not blame them – Sex talk is tricky, and initiating it might make you feel like you are instilling ideas in your child whose curiosity might be stirred with what you tell them, so parents take the easy route– Silence.
In all of my school days, I never got a single chance to fully sit in a class where the topic reproduction was being taught, plus, I went to an all-girls school. So 2016 was such an eye-opener when I sat in a class with males and we were being taught about sexual and reproductive health. I am thankful for the year 2016 because every mentor that came to the Peer Educator’s Academy was not shy about what sex was, what to expect, protection measures name it. And now at this point, if you worry about how to speak to children about sex, relationships and the like, entrust them with someone who has the knowledge to convey the message you’d want them to know; be it Abstinence, faithfulness, social interactions, community engagement etc.. This long paragraph was explaining why it was easy for me to communicate— some people need parables, some need it point blank, some need a story each day, story usually ends in— I am the one, I am pregnant.
I told my mother a story everyday, and when it finally came to an end, her fury was not negotiable. My father on the other hand got the news point blank as he ate his dinner. He seemed to have been waiting for when I have the courage to speak out. To my bold announcement, he said “I knew it along time ago”. Currently, my mother daily calls me to find out if the baby is fine and kicking, my father imitates my walking style, and has made several calls to notify people that he will soon be a shenkuru (grandfather). He also asks about our antenatal visits and advises I keep my legs raised so that they don’t swell…
The baby’s father wept a basin of joyous tears. My heart tagged at all his emotions, the promises and the assurance that he will be present, and that this baby is a blessing and …. let me cry a river because that man’s reflects the heart of God on a sleeve. “There is something when you come to understand the heart of the person in your life, a veil will break and you will be persuaded by his love for you that he is always there for you–anytime, every-time ~~ Prophet Elvis Mbonye, Ascension Part 2”.
The rest of the world has either shared questioning stares, cut connection, thrown about careless comments, boldly told me mean statements they would shatter the heart, treated me like a careless individual for letting this happen to me, aaahhhhhh the list is draining I honestly can’t deal. The beginning is usually hard and you might start to see yourself in the light of all these mean things but love is higher than the natural– and love is your child. You have got to start responding to the life that is growing on the inside of you and not the hate and disappointment that majority people will want to rub in your face.
The Take over
Pregnancy will show you a version of you that’s Lazy, a glutton, impatient, rude and inconsiderate. At this point, the baby is majesty.
If you know me, you know that I am very towering emotionally, physically, socially. However, I have at countless times just taken a seat. The first trimester had me hateful of most of my routines. I wonder who thought to name it morning sickness, it should be changed to all day sickness and frustration. You will just decide to have a good day and the body will throw up, in the morning, between meals, amidst kisses and parties, when your toothbrush comes into contact with your tongue. Oh I also hated water, so I honestly showed up smelling nice but half-bathed. Hehehe, The bed was my favorite place, often preferring to sleep than attend to any activities.
During The second trimester, things started to get better. I bathed more, started to brush my teeth, drink some water. This did not stop the fact that I was still hateful of work and all rigorous activity. This is also the trimester where you are constantly needing of TLC(Tender, Love and Care). Demanding it where it is not given. Ahhh guys drama.
In my third trimester now, I can’t sleep( so if you see me with puffy eyes, be gentle), I feel the urge to quarrel but (I am always drained mentally, emotionally, and physically before start so I sit it out) , take a trip, have my back hammered because massages are not helping, I like to raise my legs and my feet swell into small Mozilla Lizards… My love for grasshoppers is insane, it makes me deplete my pocket change, I like to drink Harmony Pot water to the point that I am considering owning an actual pot in my house, I equally get some abrupt pains and more vivid kicks, i eat at every turn and also want the baby to come. I keep imagining my come back (this basically includes, all that motivational talk, body goals, mom goals, add to this list if you may).
In this period of time, if anyone went ahead and added Incompetent to my CV, I wouldn’t mind really…
Do pregnant women have mood-swings?
Oh yes we do. Well at-least for me, sometimes I prefer the cuddling, the other times I am exuding the stay away from me attitude. Unless I have a craving, I can’t decide what food, companionship, music, distances, friendships, activities I want to be part of.
What has changed about me?
Kylie Kardashian legit said after her pregnancy, her hips had enlarged, her body had been shaped into a coca-cola bottle… rolls eyes. For those that might snort at me like “Oh so you finally got around to watching KUWTK”. No I haven’t watched a single episode. An awesome lady I have met through work narrated this to me.
What basically happens is that your butt and stomach go into an “I decrease as you increase” agreement. That has been my case really. I have had a facial glow since the beginning of my pregnancy and some ladies have shared how envious they are that my face is as clear as an autumn sky. No doubt my face has kept its astounding beauty, my back however doesn’t agree because all the acne and pimples set up home right there. I currently have those multiple scars to prove it. ~ Someone recommend a scar-erasing creme, I gonna make bae buy it in my come back please!!
I have always loved my food, it is just that this time it is seasonal cravings.. I have also learned that your baby determines what you should eat because that is what it needs to grow. If tissue is developing, you will find that you are consuming more protein, if the child needs folic acid or Vitamin C, you will be drinking more citrus drinks etc etc. So eat everything you are prompted to eat, it is the baby helping you help it grow.
Also I am thankful to God for the fact that I have not bulged. I asked for this at the very start of this pregnancy. I told God I don’t want to look like 2 sacks of the human I was before pregnancy. So a little weight here and there but I am still intact.
The weird things women do while pregnant
I have always wondered who would want to eat in transit. It had to take pregnancy for me to throw that judgement away. It doesn’t matter whether I am seated on a boda-boda or in a taxi, if I wanna eat jack-fruit, or grasshoppers or whatever, I am going to eat it and I will not feel guilty for doing so. Also I was eating all my workmates’ food.. Sorry Ssewajje.
Pregnant women also tend to feel jealous when they cannot sleep and their partners are out there deeply resting off the face of the earth—Be sure she is going to try and wake you up until she can catch some sleep as well.
Lastly, if the air suddenly stinks around you. You may want to consider the pregnant woman guilty. Man, it just feels like puffing becomes a norm and yáll gonna do it and not feel guilty.
The first time the baby kicked was such a marvel for me— Or basically the fluttering movements. This happened on 1st September 2019. The very moment Prophet Elvis Mbonye said quickening. The prophet mentioned that word 3 times and I got the flutters thrice. That moment was so emotional for me but didn’t have anyone to share it with. Pregnancy moments need to be shared. The first time the baby’s father felt a kick, you could think he had performed his favorite song with Burna Boy on the feature!! My face was scornful because duh, we been kicking for sometime bruv..
The flutters gradually became cordial kicks of all sort of activity you’d think the baby is either playing the premier league or organizing a cheer-leading squad.
However, nothing is as fascinating as feeling those kicks. The mind will try to tell you that it might as well be the tapeworm that has since grown from all the fatty foods you’ve been eating but no— What is kicking on the inside is a whole baby.
The mystery of pregnancy.
Before all of time, God spoke a word in the beginning and all of earth’s creation works to fulfill that word. This baby wouldn’t be if a word hadn’t gone forth from God and neither would I be pregnant.
Jeremiah 1:5 “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations.”
Galatians 1:15–> But when he who had set me apart before I was born,[a] and who called me by his grace,
Isaiah 44:24–> Thus says the Lord, your Redeemer, who formed you from the womb:
“I am the Lord, who made all things, who alone stretched out the heavens, who spread out the earth by myself
Does this tell you something about God? And the mystery of pregnancy?
The lord has said in His word that Children are a Blessing, and what an honor to carry God’s blessing. He further goes on to say that ye are Gods. Pregnancy only means that anytime soon you are birthing a God. A replica of the creator of all humanity in doing, being and living. Women offer their bodies as earthen vessels to allow the Lord to move.
Sex and Intimacy between two people joins them as one, and usually this is the Lord’s word being planted-a seed is planted in woman.
We could try to argue that this is biology but how do we explain this whole growth and development inside a womb? The seed slowly develops into a child that is surrounded by amniotic fluid, on this side of life, we can not handle excessive time surrounded by water or fluids, we would grow small being fed through a tube, we could end up with a mental disorder if we spend even just a day turned upside down and yet a baby survives on the inside with all these conditions.
The number of boda-bodas I have taken and the potholes they have hit without as much consideration for me have scared me to a point where I thought– this baby might just fall out of me after this ride and yet my body has capacity so beautiful to hold it in place, wow. The astounding beauty being that the baby will not come unless it is due, and even if it is not due, the psalmist says “Upon you I have leaned from before my birth; you are he who took me from my mother’s womb. My praise is continually of you”.
The Lord is beautiful, and all of creation shall worship and honor him.
Even if your mind, friends and family might want to allude that getting pregnant is a mistake, it is not. It is the greatest opportunity man has been given to see things in the eyes of God because all of creation is God’s children and when you give birth, your child/children are your creation with the help of God.
Was I scared?
Honestly yes, especially for the 9 months. I love babies and children, however my fear has always been about the gestation period– that is a darn whole year people. I was also scared of looking plump and my stomach protruding a whole mile from my body. I was not scared but rather worried that the baby’s father was not ready, and so instead of have him coldly suggest certain things because of his unreadiness, I decided to withdraw. That way, it would be better not to have him feel the weight of the news. I always have a plan laid out, without considering how everything goes but I always have a plan, and my plan was to disappear to Gulu (I have been there before so I know my way around the city and the villages) and stay oblivious of all and any activities and people.
Was the child’s father ready?
When I think about it now, I know that he was ready because this is the thing with pregnancy. You are excited for this bundle of joy that is about to grow in you, however there are days when you wake up and you are bombarded with thoughts such as “My career is going to be affected, am I really ready for this responsibility?, what if so and so finds out?, my social life is about to be messed up, I haven’t lived life to its fullest, I can no-longer flirt or hang with my crush if they find out, do I have enough finances to take care of this child? the list of scary thoughts never stops”. For some girls, this is the point they decide to have an abortion and for the men, they just withdrawal and start to ghost-like they were not urging you to strip tease for them.
I am well aware that there are men that are not supportive at all, and sometimes decide to end the relationship because of “I am pregnant”. To that Hudson likes to say; “Maturity is when you admit that a man who isn’t ready to support you in that hard trying time doesn’t need you. However much Love you have for them”. Move on, yes he is the child’s father but if he is not taking responsibility for his child, you and that baby don’t need an immature imbecile.
I believe that a man who is incapable of accepting his responsibility as a father is not who you need for a husband. Because even when women are versatile beings, no woman is engineered to be ready for pregnancy even if she is married and as old as a hag and so a man that decides to ghost even after giving him time to consider and accept the baby is incapable of handling family business— I hope nobody comes here with men are broken, men are socially expected bla bla bla… Women are carrying weights unknown to the world, the last they need is another grown ass irresponsible human of the male species.
Having a support system
Your immediate support system should be the father of your child, and they should be given a chance to be part of this pregnancy journey. However, in cases where the child’s father is not taking responsibility, has denied attachment or has suggested they are not ready for a child, you need to have a support system or accountability friends. These hold you accountable for every action pertaining to a child, and help you through the storms of pregnancy because believe me it is an emotional roller-coaster. Get a friend, mentor, pastor, or a woman that has children with whom you can confide in. It is important for you, and the child.
Sharing with workmates
The women I have spoken to say they worried about when to tell their managers, what clients would think and feared missing out on big opportunities, so they opted to wait until later in their pregnancy to share the news. My stomach didn’t show until I was 5 months and 2 weeks in. Initially, I had spoken to a humble and very knowledgeable colleague about my pregnancy. He advised and every single day gave me a nugget to live by, when I asked him who I should talk to first, he suggested I speak to the Operations lead who at the time doubled as HR and my supervisor as well. She is the one who conveyed the message to my top boss.. Haha, I don’t know how that went, I have never asked her. I just think our relationship has never been the same since (insert sad face).
Another experience while at work was while I was attempting to take some medicines that my doctor had prescribed (side note; I hate medicines, inject me anyday please). These were ZIF (Zinc, Iron and Floric acid) meds. They look fascinating and so a colleague who found me trying to swallow them asked what they were, I told her they were for iron, she nodded along and went on to narrate her story with iron medication and further asked why mine looked different, I told her it must be branding because everyone in the marketing for any sector is about getting their sells spiraling. I just couldn’t begin to tell her I was pregnant. How?
The other experience at the work place was a male colleague who just kept his eyes on my stomach, he would then wonder if I was just overstuffed with food. This was at 5 months after my abdomen was slowly starting to protrude. He has since been giving me bear hugs to the very point that I look forward to them. Before you peer your eyes at me, pregnant women need exaggerated TLC and no better feeling like what a tight hug brings.
A Jab at self-esteem
They will not tell you this but honest truth is that Pregnancy will test your self-esteem from the day your body goes through changes that are physical. Self-esteem is as delicate as a glass, you will shatter at just a comment or bad joke. Pregnancy makes you unable to see the beautiful parts about you because the first thing that you see is marks of change. This is usually unwelcome change. Fat cheeks, pimples, swollen feet and face, enlarged stomach, small buttocks,… It is rare that you will think of yourself as the fire you were before your pregnancy. However I also know some pregnant women who are stunningly beautiful, their self-care routines are topping the charts. Sometimes this is a facade, or remedy for low-self esteem.
If there is a time everyone feels like they are entitled to give you advice about pregnancy, it is when you are bulging with baby. All of a sudden, everyone thinks they are a gynea, psychologist, a herbalist, a fitness coach, a dietitian, a pregnancy-fashion stylist, a prophet, a pregnancy-experience expert, a baby-name expert, a baby-weight predictor,… I am going to leave what advise I was given to your imagination.
Am I ready to have a child?
From our conversations about children, Hudson shared that he made up his mind to have a child while he was in high school. Clearly, I am just a puppet in this scheme.
Many times, men are blamed for when a girl gets pregnant, however we should consider that girls love some fun, they prefer to swim at the deep end without floaters. Haaa
Back to the question, I love children, but in the face of 9 months, my career, personal goals, deteriorating performance and self-esteem, I am not sure!! The mature one of the both of us always comes on with stringent compassion, counsel and hard-on truths. Am I still ready for a child? No, I am not (if I should interest you, save for all the changes my body is going through, I still don’t believe I am pregnant until I see a whole baby placed into my arms on birth day).
Also I presume why people think we are not ready for children is the first impression that comes to mind when they physically see the both of us is—- Wow you are both so young!!
The question on sex
I have been asked this question several times, rolls eyes. No I don’t have the courage to answer it because it is depth so I usually blush over it.
Pregnancy sparks off an imagination from the outside world that you are having sex like a daily cup of tea. That is true, especially in the first and second trimesters. In the third trimester, you come to a point where you rest your trophies and concede defeat because 5 minutes in and you are heaving like a broiler, you can’t hit the average 45-minute mark because you are worrying about hurting the child or are already tired. Holds head in grief, stop asking about my sex life people!! I am the pregnant one!!
This “Omwana wa Mussajja (a child is a man’s)” phrase gets me very very angry. No, a child is not a man’s. A child belongs to both the woman and the man. A man determines what sex a child will turn out to be because men carry XY chromosomes, and women only XX. So if an X from a woman teams up with an X from a man, that’s gonna be a girl, and if X teams up with Y, that’s gonna be a boy.
Women on the other hand determine when to have a child because man provides seed and woman is the garden that either nurtures it to fruition or not. So reckless childbirth can be blamed on the woman
Again I say, Omwana si wa Musajja (a child is not a man’s) because a man without a woman can boast of his sperm and he will never know if his sperm is fruitful or not unless he gets a woman. A woman too can walk around with her ovaries crushing every month (menstruation), and likewise, she will never know if she is capable of that gardening process that is child development.
A child is a product of the teamwork between man and woman!!
My last words
Pregnancy is your experience, own it. Those movements to the left and right sides of your belly signal that your child is growing very well. Do not let anyone rob you of the gift you have been given with preconceived notions of what pregnancy is, what you should do and etc. There is no time you are ever going to be ready, old hag or not, pregnancy will overwhelm you because everyone of it is different. There is not a scroll about it– and I can prove it, some babies come at 40 weeks, others at 37, others even earlier. That is your baby, and not society’s, so stop hoping from one place to another looking for advice.
Again I will re-echo, do not let a senseless man drive you to a point where you doubt the ability you have been given to raise a child. And no, having a child is not the end of life neither will it shatter future chances of meeting someone that will appreciate both you and your child, and even love you extensively.
I am loudly against abortion, because pregnancy is a challenge. Take it on, a friend says there is always grace to take care of children even when you are broke as a church mouse. Your life is not going to end.
Lastly, pregnancy is emotional and sometimes you will feel like you are losing your mind about the changes going on. Allow yourself to feel, be proud about your journey and share it, it is yours and no other child is going to feel that way.
Sometimes it is going to feel lonely, and you might feel like you are on the losing side of things- No you are not, the word of God says there is nothing that has been given to us that we can not handle, and my favorite is that God said it Himself “I will never leave you nor Forsake you”. Trust this journey to something higher than yourself, you need help, accept it.
Finally, that child you are having or will have is a chance for you to correct the things you disliked while growing up. The kind of light you want to shine to the world, you have a chance to light up in your child/children. That is a great responsibility, an honorable one at that.
This is the longest blog I have written my entire life, and if you read to the very end, I thank you. Take some lessons, but above all start to see Pregnancy differently.
All of me is honestly waiting for my light-bearer, on the day that the Lord has spoken before hand. And when that day comes, I will tell you about the experience as well. But if the dates be anything that I saw while in prayer, we are left with two weeks until the day of the Arrival of the Great Joy.